Riding Lessons

Bailey Merlin

My first time in stirrups,

Mom should have been there.

She wasn't though, and never

gave me the talk on protection,

never spoke of the humiliation

or pain. Instead, she wore pain 

on her shoulders, draped 

in her curse, like a pashmina 

someone's grandmother wore,

certainly not ours.

When the speculum is inserted,

pops open so the doctor can stare 

into me as I stare back at her,

I remind my lungs to do their job.

The receptionist told me to take

two ibuprofen an hour before arrival,

though that doesn't seem enough. 

I count the ceiling squares, clench 

my fists. She tells me to

Scoot down

Further.

Further.

Further still.

Just relax.

Sure. Of course. 

Whatever you say.

I'm just here for the ride.

Bailey Merlin is a writer and bi+ activist with a background in media, medicine, and health. She holds an MFA from Butler University and an MS from Harvard Medical School, and her writing has been published in literary magazines such as The Lascaux Review, ellipses..., Honeyfire Literary Magazine, Bandit Fiction, Anti-Heroin Chic, Chantwood Magazine, Drunk Monkeys, Dime Show Review, Streetlight Magazine, Into the Void, among others. Based in Boston, Bailey lives in an intentional community with a dynamic cast of humans, a toddler, a dog, a cat, and a friendly ghost. You can find her work on baileymerlin.com.